


They Looked Like Freckles

by Somany_ships



Series: My Life and Dreams as Told Through Fanfiction [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Fluff, He uses that to hurt himself, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rafael is a good guy, Self-Harm, Sonny is diabetic, but he doesn't see it as hurting, but it's really fluffy, it's weird - Freeform, not graphic, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 04:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11372982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somany_ships/pseuds/Somany_ships
Summary: Sonny is a diabetic. He is a bisexual 16-year-old diabetic. He is a bisexual 16-year-old diabetic who lacks a sense of self-preservation.He is me, if I lived in New York, was cis, was Italian and all that jazz about Sonny that isn't actually me at all. Basically, I gave him enough of me in order to write this with things that I was doing.It's not as angsty as it sounds, I promise.





	They Looked Like Freckles

**Author's Note:**

> This was basically a vent kind of thing, wherein Sonny is me (at my current age as well as in the future) and

Sonny sat hunched over on the bed, his underwear half pulled down, the other half resting firmly against his hip. He was sixteen and found himself lacking any sense of self-preservation. He held a lancet in his hand (a small, mostly plastic device with a small needle used to help him check his blood sugar) flush against his hip, an inch or so away from the actual hip bone. He pressed the button, letting the spring go, and felt the needle pierce his skin briefly. Pulling the trigger back, he moved the plastic a little bit away and repeated. By the time he was done, he had a patch with a diameter of about an inch and a half on his hip, full of larger and smaller points and bruises already forming under the skin. There was no release, no real reason to do this other that he was bored. But he was still bored, and so he moved the lancet from his right hip to his left mid thigh and continued.

Through the years, Sonny would occasionally partake in the activity, be it if he was bored, or just felt the need to enter into some form of release. It always gave him a sort of adrenaline spike, that was his excuse. Over the years his hip had started to scar, but it never hurt more than the first time, so he didn’t totally mind. However, by the time Sonny was thirty-two and had started to hook up with Rafael, it had been over half a decade since he had last indulged himself. 

The first couple times Rafael hadn’t noticed. They were quick affairs and were in the dark where the slight discoloration near a blatant object (his set) which was placed on his leg, all of which didn’t really allow for a very noticeable scar. But this time was different. The two had gone on an actual proper date before and had silently agreed that they would be taking their time tonight.

“Dominick, what is this?” Rafael ask. He had been kissing Sonny’s hip when he ran over the scarred area. In a matter of seconds, the light was turned on, and Rafael was running a studious hand back over the area. Sonny immediately pulled his hips back and away from Rafael’s hand and vision and pulled his underwear back on, as well as the blanket over his left leg. His face flushed, and he started stammering incoherently. 

It wasn’t like he had this tragic backstory behind the spots, with the exception of a couple times, so what does he say? “Oh, they’re scars from when I used part of my medical device that is supposed to help me control my health to technically hurt myself. No big deal.” No. You don’t just say that. 

Rafael could see that Sonny was struggling. He hadn’t meant to trigger anything, but he was now officially in the ‘concerned’ territory. “Sonny? Why?” Sonny took a deep breath at the voice. “I didn’t- I didn’t care about myself, and I kinda just said why not one night. I got a rush out of it. Wasn’t common, but it happened enough that the points just kinda stuck around.”

It was silent for a moment.

“Where?”

Sonny sighed but pulled the blanket away from his legs. He pointed to the area on his left leg first, it was the lighter of the two areas. There were a few hundred or so small dots, some brown, some red, some white, but very few of them were incredibly obvious. They looked mostly like freckles if you weren’t paying close attention. 

Rafael’s eyes scanned the area, his hand gently ran over it. It felt normal, there were no bumps under the skin or anything similar. He would have never thought twice about the patch of skin if he had just glanced at it earlier.

He looks back at Sonny, who has an unsure look on his face. It wasn’t scared so much as worried. Sonny leans his head back, and takes another deep breath, before lowering the band of his underwear again. This time, the area of scarring reached from above his hip bone to a couple inches onto his leg, as well as slightly on his stomach and around on a small section of his back. The center area around his actual hip bone was the most concentrated, but most of the dots were so old that they were almost all brown. 

Sonny stays quiet. He refuses to look at Rafael’s face or the patch of skin Rafael was studying. He never really forgot about them, there was no way he could, but they never really hurt or came up so he never really thought about them. But now he started to think, over think, about them. About why he did it in the first place. There was no reason, what he said earlier was the truth but that probably wouldn't be good enough for Rafael and his law focused head. 

But then Rafael surprised Sonny. 

He kissed the center of the spots. 

Sonny felt warm. 

He smiled and reached for Rafael’s head, but before he could grab it Rafael moved down to his mid thigh and kissed that patch of spots as well. He looks up to Sonny, who finally was able to grab the sides of Rafael’s head and pull him up to give him a proper kiss. It was soft and short, more loving than sexual. Sonny pulled away first and smiled when he saw a slight flush on Rafael’s face.

“Hi.” Sonny gave a lopsided smile before kissing the outer corner of Rafael’s lips. Rafael chuckled, but couldn’t hide the smile that was forming. “Hey, thanks for not making a big deal.” Sonny got a confused look in response. “Why would I?”

“They’re...I don’t know..” Sonny shrugged. “Kinda weird. Not what one would expect when it comes to this kind of thing.” Sonny didn’t want to call it self-harm, though that would technically be accurate, mostly because he never fully considered it that when he was younger. “Dominick, this is you. I’ve gotten used to ‘kinda weird’ when you’re the topic.”

Sonny laughed.

“Now, are we going to continue?” a smile crept its way and kept its place on Sonny’s face, who nodded and lightly kissed Rafael before letting him continue.


End file.
